Is your friend jealous of you?

September 4, 2020

Laura Duff

Relationships

Jealousy can mean a lot of different things. It is a useful feeling. Sometimes we need it to improve ourselves. But - like anything - only in small doses is it useful. But today, we are going to be discussing when jealousy gets unhealthy, and how I - personally - refrain this from happening. Jealousy stems from one thing in all cases - insecurity. In a relationship, with your looks, with your personality, insecurity pops up in the most random of places with people. That’s why they can seem so ridiculous from the outside.

The thing about jealousy is that people tend to not recognise it in themselves. From a young age, we are shamed when we feel it, even though it is just like any other emotion: sadness and anger we are taught how to deal with and that it is natural, but there is a strange stigma around jealousy. I think jealousy should be appreciated like any other emotion, and then we can use it in a more positive way, rather than getting defensive whenever we feel such feelings.

When I was younger, I must have been pretty wise. Jealousy is something I have never felt strongly before. I had this thing I used to say if I ever felt the smallest tang of it - you are never going to be anybody but yourself. I could transform the feelings of jealousy into other things: intrigue, appreciation or motivation. I don’t know where I learned this, maybe it was the exposure to Tumblr quotes from a young age, but I was wise beyond my years.

Jealousy can be a tough thing to deal with, even if it is not you yourself experiencing the feeling. You can be directly affected by jealousy if it is somebody else feeling it of you. Whether that is in a relationship or a friendship. In my experience, jealousy has been quite a big problem within friendships.  

Here are some signs that your friend is jealous of you.

  1. They put you down for things you do.  

This is a very toxic trait that can really make you resent one of your friends. The only reason someone puts you down - EVER - is due to jealousy and insecurity on their own part. Think about it. There is a difference between constructive criticism (useful) and just downright being mean about your choices and opinions. I had one friend who put me down for everything I did but, whilst doing that, copy everything about me.  

  1. They make you look bad in front of other people.  

If somebody is worshipping you one-on-one (which is weird enough anyway), and then the minute you’re with a group of friends they ignore you when you speak, or say derogatory comments, honey, they are jealous. This one particularly enrages me. Even thinking of experiences of this that I have had in the past, it makes me FURIOUS.  

  1. They want to spend time with you, even though they come across like they don’t particularly like you.  

In my experience, this one is the hardest one to actually understand. I understand some people have very jealous personalities, but if neither of you seem to be enjoying your time together, particularly them, why do they keep texting to meet up? This one is only more obvious if you are spending time with other people regularly as well, otherwise you will be kept in the vicious circle of their friendship.  

Have you guys ever had any jealous friends? Let me know your experiences!

Laura Duff

The team call me the 'mighty Duff'. I'm 19 years old and study Cognitive Science at the University of Edinburgh. Throughout our time together, I'll be writing about topics related to mental health, food and fitness! I'm also a host for the Wedotalk, check them out on YouTube, Spotify or Soundcloud! Down below you'll find my personal links, I make vlogs as a hobby!

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